Your boy is playing with his favourite bus/water gun/thingy. His friend eagerly comes over and tries to snatch it away. “B, please share?” “No! Don’t want!” Tantrum ensues. Sound familiar?
Toddler hitting, screaming, biting and throwing are common behaviours that they’ll need to (un)learn – but that process can be challenging! Karen Katz offers some help with a series of delightful little books filled with adorable, true-to-life illustrations, and clear, simple and repetitive text. Thanks to Read With Me Mommy, this series is available in a compact set of six bilingual books in English and Chinese: I Can Share (我可以分享), No Hitting (不打人), No Biting (不咬人), Excuse Me (对不起), Best Ever Big Brother (最好的大哥哥), Best Ever Big Sister (最好的大姐姐).
What we like: It’s bilingual! So you get a double 2-in-1 deal – reinforce behaviours AND learn key phrases in English AND Chinese as you enjoy reading it over and over together 🙂 As with other Karen Katz books, the text is separated from the pictures, each in their own page, making it easier for kids who are learning to read. Many tots actually memorise the story or conversation based on pictures, which is a great start to language development, but books like these take it one step further by helping them to focus on and recognise words, letters and characters. The whole page flaps cleverly reveal the right response, which usually involves “magic words” for proper manners or positive redirection for sticky situations like sharing and self-control. Note: This is best for 18 months to 4 years as it’s not in a board book format, so turning the pages and lifting flaps require a bit more control (and care).
As a bonus, the set also includes two books on growing up from the perspective of a 哥哥 or 姐姐, ideal for older siblings who are adjusting to a new baby at home. But even if you don’t have a sibling (yet – like us), it’s still relevant for your tot to read about big boys or girls who eat, sleep, read and go to the potty on their own 🙂
Read With Me Mommy is a user-friendly online bookstore which is conveniently organised by age (0-3 years, 3-6 years, 6-10 years, 10+ years) and book type (sets, board books, cloth books, etc.). There is currently a 5% discount promo for all DBS/POSB cardholders and free local mail delivery for ALL purchases.
As a special giveaway, Finally Mama readers stand a chance to win a brand new complete set of 6 bilingual lift the flap books worth SGD$24.90 with FREE local delivery. Giveaway closed!Just CLICK HERE to enter the giveaway and follow these steps:
Tracy Hogg’s book was full of gentle yet sound parenting advice. I liked her approach, fun acronyms and practical examples on how to manage those tricky toddler years. She’s not an advocate of spanking – I’m not sure where I stand on this yet as it’s quite a change for those who were raised with Asian parents/homes.
Everyday H.E.L.P with tots: Hold Back. For the purposes of observation, which is not the same as being detached, rejecting or ignoring your toddler Encourage to Explore. Ensure there are many opportunities a day for exploration, including let him play quietly with another child, try to solve puzzles or stack blocks on his own. Don’t constantly direct, monitor and instruct. Live with Limits. Too much of anything is usually not good. Don’t give too many choices, allow too much stimulation or participation in non-age appropriate activities. Don’t wait too long before reining in tantrums, aggressiveness or other high emotions. Curtail activities that aren’t good in big doses e.g. sweets, TV.
Praise Appropriately. Praise to reinforce specific acts of cooperation, kindness or behaviour
Routines and Rituals (R&R) continue to be important, perhaps even more so at this age. It provides security, cuts down on struggles, helps tots deal with separation, supports all kinds of learning – physical, emotional control, social behaviour, avoids problems by helping parents set clear consistent boundaries, allows everyone to slow down and connect. Tailor R&R to your family — starting with waking, eating, bathing, exits and entrances, clean up, nap and bedtimes. Everytime you repeat and reinforce an act, you are doing R&R — for better or worse!
H.E.L.P also applies to potty training which should begin between 18 mos – 2 years.
Hold back until you see signs he’s ready. E.g. Some stop dead in their tracks, stand still, focus and suddenly move on.
Encourage him to connect bodily function with words and actions. Narrate what’s going on when you change the diaper, invest in a freestanding potty and his fave toy “go to the bathroom”
Limit his time on the potty. No more than 2-3 minutes
Praise widely when something is deposited!
4Ps aren’t limited to Marketing either 😉 They’re also critical to potty training success:
Potty – one that fits his size and pants/panties once they go on the potty at least 3x/ day
Patience – never rush the process or look disappointed when he doesn’t pee or poop or causes an accident. All kids progress at their own speed
Practice – as much as he can
Presence – sit with him and cheer him own
The rate of language development is determined by exposure to language and interaction with talkers (constant conversation, eye contact), gender (girls tend to talk earlier), other developmental gains taking precedence (esp. walking, manual/social growth, etc.), birth order (younger tends to talk later) and genetic disposition. Also setbacks may occur if there’s a sudden change in the home (new baby, mom goes back to work, relocation, etc.). A different sort of TLC also applies during these critical years: Talk, Listen, Clarify. Pay attention to non-verbal and verbal signals. Look him in the eye when you talk/listen. Talk in short, simple sentences. Ask simple, direct questions to allow him to express himself. Play word games to foster interaction, practice and learning. Exercise restrain and patience.
Common speech milestones and red flags by age below.
8-12 mos: Can speak and associate mama and dada. Respond to 1-step commands (“Please give the car to mama”). Watch if: child doesn’t respond to her name, babble (long/short groups of sounds), doesn’t look when people talk to her, doesn’t point or makes sounds to get what he wants
12-18 mos: Says first words: simple nouns (“dog,” “baby”), names of special people, action words/phrases (“up,” “go”). May follow 1 or 2-step commands (“Go into your room and get the towel”). Watch if: child doesn’t say a word or two, even unclearly
18-24 mos: Says up to 10 different words, understands 30 or more. Speaks lots of gibberish 🙂 Watch if: Child can’t say more than a few words clearly, follow simple requests (“come here”) or respond to simple questions with a “yes” or “no”
2-3 years: Has a word for everything! Combines words into sentences to express thoughts and feelings. Extensive vocab even though grammar isn’t perfect. Can converse with adult. Watch if: Child uses fewer than 50 words and has no word combinations. Can’t understand opposities/different meanings (“up/down”) or follow 2-step commands. Doesn’t notice or overacts to environmental sounds, e.g. horn
Last but not least, it’s important to teach your tot self control. I thought Hogg’s approach here was a little wishful thinking so one possible application would be to first try Karp’s prehistoric parenting where parents speak (not act) like the little Neanderthal to get their attention and show empathy, and THEN try Hogg’s suggestion of conscious discipline and offering choices through statements and questions. Rather than resort to demands/threats which (admit it!) come immediately to our minds, do/say if he’s:
– Overstimulated and/or running inappropriately/too much. Stop/restrain him, pick him up and remove from the activity if needed. “I see…. Let’s take a walk outside. You can’t keep running here. We’ll leave once you’ve put your socks/shoes on.”
– Throwing a tantrum in public for something he wants but can’t/shouldn’t have. Ignore it. “Wow, that’s impressive. But you still can’t have it. Do you want to come over here by yourself or shall I get you?”
If that doesn’t work, remove him. “You can’t behave like this here.”
– Refuses to cooperate while dressing or diaper changing. Stop, wait a while/calm him down, try again. “When you’re ready, we’ll dress up. Shall we change your diaper now or after you finish this snack?”
– Shouts, lower your own voice. “Let’s use our quiet voice”
– Whines, look him in the eye and imitate a best (non-whiny) noise. “I can’t hear you unless you use your best voice”
– Kicks/hits when you pick him up, put him down immediately. “Do not hit/kick. It hurts.”
– Grabs another toy from a kid. Stand up, go near and encourage him to give it back. “If you can’t let go of M’s toy, I can help you… M was playing with that. You should give it back to him. Thank you — what good cooperation. Now would you like to hold/play with this?”
– Throws food. Take him down from the chair. “We don’t throw food at the table.” If he doesn’t want to finish/wants to go out. “When you’ve finished eating, then we can go to the playground.”
– Pulls another child’s hair/hits another child. Put your hand on his hand, stroke gently. Restrain him or take him outside if agitated. “Be gentle. No pulling, no hitting. That hurts!” Worse case: Go home.
Raising a family while releasing it all to God through each season of work and life